Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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