A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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