Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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