Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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