It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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