Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
