I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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