Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
