Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
