Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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