so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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