Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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