i already hear my dad disowning me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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