i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did i walk over a car last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
