dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
