So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.