I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!