i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.