I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."