We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.