Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
