Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
