i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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