Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
