i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
