look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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