I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
