I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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