Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
