my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need moral support for this bender
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
