I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
then he tried to convert me to islam
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize