eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
