i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
