I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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