i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
