Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
