The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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