You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
