I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize