I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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