I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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