My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
