Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
