You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The power of my boobs compel you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
