Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
