i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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