Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I forget how to act sober
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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