i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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