I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize