he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
