i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
