my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
