I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize