tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
