You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
