she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
