i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
