My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't turn off my feet"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
