Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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