my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
