my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
