Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
