Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your penis caused this!
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