the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
