i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
