i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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