you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
