This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
