Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
